The beginning of an era...or so I thought

My life has turn on its head, i've never really explored or deeply analyzed what went wrong in my life..There are a few things that I would love to lay bare to all to listen, but sadly..im no longer an outspoken person, i've learnt to let my feelings stew and simmer inside. I no longer have the mood or the comic timing anymore to crack any joke...I'm no longer funny, my best friend summed it up the best the other day..i'm the joke...

All my life, i've personally thought that I have a mental illness. Honest to God. I can be extroverted and introverted just minutes apart. Im outspoken by nature but sometimes, somehow..i can keep quiet for so long, people will start asking me to talk. I love science and at the same time ii love the arts. I always project myself as a gentle giant, but i have an inner monster hiding inside. I've always failed to keep my promises to the people that are close to me. Those closer to me, gets hurt more often. I have anger issues...one time i took a chopping knife and hack it next to my dad, in rage...to a certain extent, ya..i wanted to kill him...

I've been good with words over the past few years of my life...but it took my professor to wake me up...i could lie and not lie for the sake of saving someone's ass...but lie for fun and lie to a certain extent it seems true..I dunno, subconsciously i thought lying was ok..subconsciously i thought not telling the whole truth was not wrong...

I loved my ex-gf alot..to a certain extent is too much. I'm a jerk. I technically forced her hand to a break up. Not because I didnt love her anymore, but because I just didnt want to trouble her. My smoking, health problems, financial problems...well I'm more of her burden to her than she thinks that she is to me..

The only thing that I can take satisfaction from these days, is my work...my life revolves around my work... I wished I could work longer hours, I wished that I could just sleep in the office, which technically I could...but hey, there are boundaries.

A third of my salary will go to my mom as "rent"...no choice, staying under their roof. I've calculated already, for next monthmy disposable income is just a mere RM120. Thats just 4 bucks a day..................

How the hell am I gonna maintain a gf then? only god knows..and boy, do i feel like killing something after this post.

Of Painkillers and A Painful Spinal Problem

Hmmm, to consume or not to consume..those blue and white pills are very tempting..they ease my pain but somehow, there are bad for me. Haih life, short term gain or long term gain? which ones are better? no one can give me a definite answer? then, i shall be steadfast and forge forward with my goals in life..regardless if there is a pain barrier or not..

Rising cost of living

78 cents increase per litre, well..its not much when compared to the oil prices around the southeast asian region. Thailand has a petrol price of RM 4.00 per litre while philipines is around there too.. True, it will be costlier now to travel. The REBATE of rm625 is insufficient to cover the petrol hike for most Malaysians. But, considering the fact that its USD 130 per barrel of oil now, i sincerely think its the right move to take by the government. Subsidies must be better allocated rather than spending around 56 billion a year on petrol subsidies, hopefully the allocation of subsidies this time around will be just and well distributed.

But what I dont get, is the mob mentality of Malaysians who queue up to save RM 16 for a full tank. True, you save...but whats the point of being stuck in the frenzy for oil and subject yourself to a few hours of torture for a full tank of petrol. Its not as if the petrol are free...

I've started working freelance for a friend's company. I will officially start work on the 1st of July. Its essentially a headhunting firm called Yellow Elevator. Its webbased..if you guys are free, visit the website. If anyone needs a job or a better one, give me a call or msg me.. I will try my sincere best to recommend you for the designated job. The system is also launching in Singapore, HK, Australia, Thailand and Dubai around the same time. So feel free to contact me.

But the pay is a bit on the low side..its just 1.5K per month. But i have a company phone and that i can claim 40 cents per litre of petrol...considering the rise of the petrol prices, hell its not looking good at all..but hey, im in for the experience and maybe i will find a better job in the future. But for the next 3-5 years, i see myself commiting fully to the cause of Yellow Elevator.

Hopefully, i'll be able to afford petrol when it rises to RM 4.00 per litre in the future. =)

HOME

Haih, going back to penang...finally, for good?Who knows..will pick my fights properly now. Life is full of possibilities and I will have to grab them as they come along..Till then. I will be on a hiatus as there are no internet connections in my humble abode in penang..

Fallen Angel

Life, has taken a turn for the worse for me. Got ditched last minute for my RA job, thesis just finally completed after a long delay which wasnt my fault, binding it cost 73.90, and alas, my car radiator leaked....WHY am I punished on all fronts? WHY?

the bigger you are, the harder you fall

All my good work for the past year has been unraveled by my friend in a week. My marketing team managed to get 10K for the stupid college dinner. It was a great achievement considering the fact that for all the previous years, they got less than 1K...so what did that idiot do, well..he came up with a fake budget..and after a lot of scrutinizing by the college administration, we we're short of 7K, either that idiot telan the money or some hanky panky is going on...Haih, sad..and he spent 1.2 K on a stupid black coloured steps with lights..which was so small that it was negligible. haih, pathetic, and the college principal thinks i had a part in it..and is reconsidering my fellowship.. Crap, really crap...

And then, im currently officially broke. I've left only 2 ringgit to survive; hmmm let me see.. 2 weeks... stupid air cond gas and my stupid smoking habit....haih...I'm just plain sad.

I really need help financially, if anyone can contribute, please call me... thanks, or leave a msg..I'll try to stop smoking..I will.

Hmm, if pigs can fly

Haih, when u need to settle for a nett of 500 instead of 1200. You know that things will take a turn for the bad. But what intrigues me is the fact that i need to pay for lots of stuff nowadays. My petrol cost me on average 45 per week. My cigarettes; yes i still smoke cos around 6 per day.. Food has been on average 500 bucks per month. My handphone bills are costing aroung 80 per month. So basically im set back, well RM 950 per month. and getting 500 a month wont be able to help me out.

Plus its exam season which equates to more supper, more cigarettes and more petrol. I'm actually swamped now with keeping my finances in check that i've lost the drive and the mood to study at all. I've been watching season 1 to season 10 of friends at least 3 times already...and i haven't started studying on the paper for this coming monday. sad huh.

Hmm, trying very hard to patch things up with my gf, who by the way. came all the way to UKM to meet me on the 29th. I didnt do much to impress her, but i did in a certain way, hahaha.

My dad is scheduled for surgery again on the 12th of may..and im worried like hell that his heart will not be able to take it. I worry about my mom who has to do everything in the house because of dad's sickness..Mom, I love you, happy mother's day. Dad stay healthy for your sake.

So thats about it, im sick and need to correct my thesis as soon as possible..Or ya, and binding the copies will set me back another 90..If only a pig like me could fly..