Being a Fillial Son

My dad has always been a leading light to me. Even though we weren't rich, we ate like kings. I understood prudence, being responsible and being a loud mouth from him. At the times he treats me like a friend, at times his worst enemy and at times; as a son.

My dad has been in and out of the hospital for the past 14 months. His longest stay was 43 days. Needless to say, he is a very very sick man. Like they say, the bigger you are; the harder you fall. His ego is unmatchable, his pride even I cant match up to him. So when he was sick; you could see the once great man destroyed, vanquished. He couldnt walk, he just lay down on his hospital bed. I changed his diapers everyday when I was back from UKM last time. He didnt thank me at all. I agreed with him, it was my responsibility after all.

His condition has improved since, but frustration has gotten the better of him. As a friend of my put it the other day, he is a loose cannon now. Spitting out angry, venomous remarks without a care for the world nor the company he was with. That made me boil over.

We are like cats and dogs stuck in a small pound. I cant stand his outright illogical demands, he cant stand my outright impudence. I was being very rude to him all of a sudden, a simple yes or no question can turn into a shouting match involving sticks and knives. That was the degree of our disagreements. I hated him for once, he is not the man he used to be.

Today, as I was eating Hokkien mee near the jelutong post office in the morning, the hawker asked me; where was your dad who used to buy noodles for you every morning? I responded with a mellow explanation on how he was in and out of the hospital for 14 months for multiple illnesses. Then suddenly, it struck me; I have always been the apple of dad's eye. He loved me alot when I was younger, why the hell am I treating him that way? He used to give in to my illogical demands, he used to do whatever I wanted him to do. Why cant I treat him the same now? Why must I treat him like he's a beggar on the street? I love my dad...but why am I tormenting him further with all his illnesses and all?

That made me realise that I need to be a better son from now on. Fight and argue less with him,give him some leeway as his my father and try very hard, once again to be a fillial son. Dad, i love you. I promise I will give my all to be a better son.